Facebook just added a feature that can let you post how you’re feeling…

Yeah…

No one fucking cares…

…or if you even care. I’m just saying this as it is. I didn’t want a birthday this year for one reason and one reason only. I don’t deserve one. I don’t deserve a day specially for me because I have done literally nothing since my last one. I feel like I’ve become a waste of space as well as a burden to all the people close to me, even those people who, even though I consider best friends, I know they probably see me someone to resort to as a space filler or something. Why should I have a birthday? Why do I deserve one? I have done nothing that says that I should’ve had one. And yet what happens? Family tea party. Oh don’t get me wrong, that’s all good and that if I was in a good mood, but of course the seed had already been planted. I didn’t want a birthday and mentally I was sticking to that. Unfortunately it became a little unbearable when everyone started asking things like why don’t I go out with my friends more or why haven’t I found myself a girlfriend or why I haven’t got myself a job yet. I could have done without you reminding me that I got turned away from a job interview just because I have fucking acne! And as if I need fucking reminding of how fucked up my fucking life is, I know all of this but I just can’t trust you people enough to tell you how right you all are. But of course it wasn’t my stepdad who was asking these things. In fact he didn’t say anything as usual. Something simple like “Happy Birthday” would have been alright but oh no I guess he still loves his real son more to do that. But then who cares right? I didn’t want a birthday in the first place so what’s the problem? Well to put it simply, I have had some horrible birthdays but this was probably the first where I was actually reduced to tears. All today has been is a reminder of how fucked up my life was, how miserable I am, how ugly I am, how unhealthy and physically close to death I am, how much of a social outside I am, how I’ve squandered every little good thing in my entire life and how much I deserve death more than a birthday. That’s right, for one moment I even thought about killing myself today. But of course you’re not going to know that. You don’t read this crap and if I ever meet you in person I’ll probably just either stay silent and keep it to myself and exclude myself from your conversations without you even realizing or hide these problems with a fake social identity that has simply become an overpowering coping mechanism to prevent myself from just crumbling on the floor and crying myself to sleep on the spot. Pizza was nice though. Now what’s left of my tooth is aching. I’m glad today is over. I can now resume living out my miserable life until I can finally die.

Happy birthday to me.

Actually broke to tears…

Fantastic day…

=/

Oh great. It’s started…

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Please don’t bother wishing me a happy birthday tomorrow. I don’t deserve a birthday tbh…